The Art of Holding Space - for Self and Others

We can see others to the extent to which we see ourselves.

We can hold space for others to the capacity we hold space for ourselves.

I call holding space an art because it truly is an art.

It is an art because we are creating from moment to moment, uncertain of where it will go, but certain that we are showing up as we are. We are creating a container, for ourselves and another, pulling from the deepest parts of our soul. Maybe the parts of ourselves that we have not yet come across and therefore opening ourselves to deeper work, deeper awareness, deeper reflections and deeper learnings.

The past year and the current virus situation has really made me aware that i have to first hold space for myself. I would always want to hold space and show up for another, but i realized that I was not showing up for myself. This left me always wanting and not attracting.

I realized if I wanted to attract people in my life who have the capacity to hold space, then I have to consistently show up and hold space for myself. Only then I can hold space for another. And trust that it will flow back.

What does showing up look like?

· Being aware of my needs and meeting them.

We are not only responsible for the energy we give out but also for the energy we allow in our lives.

I realized the only person responsible for meeting my needs is me. That meant I had to learn to ask for what I wanted with compassion and vulnerability and have the capacity to receive when given. It also meant that I had to say no to certain people and situations.

· Taking responsibility for my life.

It is the things we sacrifice for that create meaning in our lives.

I realized my actions and the consequences of those are my responsibility. It was on me to create a broader vision for myself, based on my context, my human experience and my reality. I had to align my actions and words to my core values and take responsibility for my mistakes and apologize when needed.

What does holding space look like ?

· Allowing yourself

Instead of forcing or pushing growth we can allow growth. Allowing means being patient and present with yourself, not demanding a certain outcome, rather being curious and mindful to what comes up. Channelling emotions in a productive manner by allowing them to guide you to figure out what your needs are. Many times we feel conflicting emotions – anger and joy – at the same time, instead of judging them we can honor them, process them and put them in perspective. This takes us one step closer in figuring out what our needs are and how we can meet them.

Also, once we start to allow ourselves, we start to accept ourselves in the capacity that we can be present. We also allow other people to love us in the capacity they can. We can be a loving witness to what comes up for us and be a loving witness to another.

· Seeing yourself

Accepting that we have emotional needs and not suppressing them to make ourselves acceptable to others. Accepting doesn’t mean fixing or solving or putting our needs on another to meet them. Accepting means seeing ourselves, being present with ourselves, validating ourselves and being ok with our human experience.

This allows us to see another’s perspective and allows us to let go of the things that don’t serve us without guilt and resentment.

· Building a relationship with yourself

Having strong yet compassionate boundaries so we can get our needs met and simultaneously stand in our truth. Also, providing strong emotional containers for ourselves – in our friends and families – and building relationship diversity in our lives. Sifting through our values and making decisions in alignment with them.

A poem for self:

I love you,

I see you for who you are,

for your strengths and your growing edges,

for the immense potential you have

for your fears and insecurities that haunt you,

for the grief and pain you carry in your heart

for the joy that lights your soul,

for the sparkle and wonder in your eyes

I admire you,

for showing up and allowing life to humble you,

for being compassionate and vulnerable,

for sitting in the depths of your soul,

for being curious,

for being you,

all of you,

I love you in the everyday,

Everyday